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If you’ve been following my blog, you’ll know that for most of my Kibbe journey, I thought I was a Gamine of some kind. But when I went to see David, I ended up being SN. It might seem like I’d be frustrated with the time wasted, especially since I had landed on SN for myself a year prior to seeing David, but he steered me away from it at the time. But the way I see it, everything happened as it was supposed to, and all of the steps of my journey were necessary for me to get to a place where I am happy with where I am with my Image Identity. I also think that my experience can be informative for other people who may feel frustrated, or who worry that they’ve spent too long identifying with a certain ID and being public about it to change to something else.

First, I would say that it needs to be the right time for you. With my season, I actually had to move away from Autumn for a while in order to appreciate it on myself. The time away, and seeing the difference it made for me to wear my Autumn colors, made it possible for me to be happy sticking with an Autumn palette. I think it can be the same with Kibbe. It may not be the right time for you to inhabit that Image ID; you might need some time in something else first to get it out of your system. I immediately connected with FG when I found Kibbe because the trendier, edgier styles were close to what I was already wearing. I needed the time and space with those more styles (which look chic and sophisticated on an FG!) before I was able to move on to my own SN space. And this can take as long as you need. David himself has said in recent Q&As and interviews that it’s fine to experiment. The Image ID will always be there when you’re ready.

Second, a single photo can’t tell the whole story. When David guided me away from SN and towards SG, it was because of a photo I had taken for line sketch purposes. Photos can be inaccurate, and only my curve came across, not my width. So if you’ve done the line-sketch game in the book, and something isn’t feeling quite right as you’re trying to put it into practice in real life, it could be an issue with the photo. Is it reflecting reality, or did it distort what’s there?

Third, I would say that the process in the new book truly is the process that will get you there. But you need to be ready, as I said above. When I did get to SN on my own, it was from doing the original SK exercises as they were meant to be done: slowly, allowing myself to absorb what the exercise was trying to teach me. The book games work the same way; they help you see and accept what is there. Even if you feel like you want to jump ahead to the sketch, it’s worth it to go through the entire process.

Lastly, I think it’s hard to admit that you were wrong about yourself, especially if, like me, you have been a more visible presence in the community. But the important thing isn’t what other people think about you and your ID. It’s also not the sunk cost (both financial and, in some cases, emotional) of thinking you were a different ID before. It is about what’s going to serve you moving forward.

I feel at peace with the long, winding road of my Kibbe journey. It all brought me to where I could confidently and happily step into my Soft Natural Image Identity. It doesn’t matter if it takes nine weeks or nine years==the entire process can be valuable

This post has been sitting in my drafts for a long time, and I keep on meaning to finish it. Re-reading it, I think that anything I have to add will be in follow-ups to my experience, as it’s already been a year and half! I hope this is helpful if you’re working on finding your Kibbe Image ID or considering going to see David and Susan.

After learning about Kibbe since 2014, I finally had the opportunity to see David and Susan in late spring 2023. It was an amazing experience, and I think that it happened at exactly the right time for me. If it had happened earlier, I’m not sure I would have been ready for what they had to tell me. But I have felt so settled ever since I learned my actual ID.

When we went to see David and Susan, they started with season. I went with my two Strictly Kibbe co-admins (highly recommend sharing the experience with supportive people!). We all got draped, and when it was my turn, I was happy to be draped an Autumn. I had been a little worried I would be a Summer, since that is what most people would assume from looking at me. But Autumn it was, and we were all the seasons we thought we were. At this point, David made a comment about how there were no surprises with the seasonal drapes, but there might be a surprise coming up. The three of us looked at each other and understood that this meant that one of us was not the Image ID we had come in thinking we were. I had a very strong feeling that I was the one who was something else, and I knew what that something else was.

The Image ID reveal process consisted of David drawing our line sketches and telling us what accommodations we had, our yin-yang balance, and finally, what ID we were. We went one at a time, and as I expected, my co-admins were what they thought they were. When it was my turn, he drew a sketch that looked exactly like the one I had drawn when I redid the exercises. I had width and curve, soft yang with a yin undercurrent, and I was a Soft Natural.

I think that if I had gone to Kibbe earlier, I would have been more attached to the Gamine idea. But I had gone through the exercises again the year before, saw the width and curve in myself, and had been able to read the Natural and Soft Natural sections with a more open mind, and even get excited about it. So I was fully ready to hear it—truth be told, it has always been at the back of my mind. Until I redid the exercises, I feared it because of how it was portrayed and the kind of draped, flowing image it had online, despite seeing plenty of actual Soft Natural clients who didn’t receive that kind of thing at all. But when I read the Natural chapter in combination with it, I could see how it would fit me. (David had actually thought I wasn’t an SN, which is why I didn’t stick with it, but I’ll get into that in a future post.)

David and Susan made sure to provide a lot of emotional support, although I think I was the least shocked out of the five of us that I was SN! It played out exactly as I wrote many years ago in a blog post:

“I do think it is worth thinking about the essence you put out into the world as well and how others see you. Related to what I mentioned above, however, I feel like I am mostly seen as a Gamine in the world. If someone compares me to a celebrity, it’s usually a gamine one, and I look very young for my age and seem shorter than I actually am. But, I think I am discovering, this does not mean that I am a Flamboyant Gamine or a Soft Gamine. It could be that when I find my correct Kibbe type, I won’t be seen as young and small, but as a woman of my own age with my full height and power.”

Now, if someone actually is a Gamine, that’s a very powerful, chic image for them. For me, I was consistently seen that way because I wasn’t tapping into my own power, and what I am is actually something very different. I am not even one of those “SNs with a Gamine essence” that I think is way overblown in terms of how common it is (and I wouldn’t say it’s essence per se, but rather an SN that looks best leaning into some styling usually associated with Gamines). I am simply a Soft Natural. And what I need to portray to the world is that I am powerful (David said I was a “fresh and sensual powerhouse,” instead of “lady”) and sexy, but also warm and fresh.

The next day, we went shopping. You can see some of what I bought here. For us, the shopping took place in a roped-off fitting room, with racks of clothes set up for each of us. When I first saw my rack, I wasn’t that excited about it. The first thing I tried on was a silky camisole and pants set, which was just not something I would ever wear. I don’t even like to wear actual pajamas—I wear sweats—and wearing something pajama-like didn’t feel right on my body. David swiftly picked up on what I felt comfortable with, and found pieces that were a little more substantial and closer to the body, and I got some great pieces. If you have the chance to go shopping with David and Susan, I would say to keep an open mind about trying new things, but I also wouldn’t just leave your own feelings about what feels good on you at the door. David was able to hone in on what would be the best version of SN for me.

Since leaving NYC, I will say that my transition into SN has been pretty seamless. A lot of what I already owned works, as I had always had fit issues around the upper arms, and I had generally assumed this was because of weight distribution, but now I know that this was actually my width. So even when I was going with SG because that’s what David had told me, everything was stretchy. But when I was actually able to consciously take my width into account, it was kind of like the extra room in my clothes gave me the space I needed to be myself. Accepting that I was a Natural was freeing. I could let get of things that felt too fussy for me, too boring—not just in clothing, but in life.

One thing I learned during this weekend with David and Susan is that we simply are our IDs. I think people generally want to look at the sections of the book that deal with what kind of career this ID has, or what kind of parties they throw, as just “casting” or how people see you. But it is more like you are born to be who you are. And it was absolutely uncanny to see how we all fit our Image IDs. Now, how far someone wants to go with their belief in this is up to them, and maybe it could be considered confirmation bias, but I do feel like understanding what it means to be a Natural is both helpful and healing for me.

Some might wonder how I was wrong about myself for so long, or think that I might be upset at David for telling me I was incorrect when I had gotten it right a year ago, but I feel like everything happened at the right time and in the right way. I think my experience will be helpful for other people in the community and contains some important lessons for others. But I will share what I think those things are in my next post.